The Bizarre World of “Dating” Viewed from the Eyes of a Foreigner.
by Jessica Solano
When someone is a foreigner in this country (the U.S.), it's really easy to discern the differences between the American culture and their own. I believe that, for many "outsiders," when it comes to dating, courtship and marriage, this issue may seem to be outrageous, daring and-- why not (every now and then)-- immoral.
Take me, for example. I am from Mexico. I was born and raised there for 21 years, and even though I used to criticize my parents for the rules they had about “dating” back home, it was very hard for me to understand the whole concept and process of “dating” in this country.
First of all, there is no such word in the Spanish language, and second of all, we don’t date casually; we have actual relationships with a boyfriend or girlfriend, pretty much an "official relationship," even when this is just "puppy love."
I believe that I am a very good example of how things work in Mexico when it comes to dating, being engaged and finally getting married. My family is very much the traditional Mexican family. In my house, the head of the family is my father, and as mentioned before, his rules went at home.
When I was in college I met the man that now is my husband, and our relationship became sort of an adventure. Why am saying this? Because we started a long distance relationship; I was in Mexico, and he was in Japan at the time. First, we wrote letters to each other for over six months before he asked me to wait for him, then six months later he came to visit, but my father didn’t let me go to the airport to welcome him. He had to come to my house so he could be introduced to my family; then my father could decide if he was a good man for me or not. At that time Mario asked me to be his wife and I accepted, then he talked to my father about his intentions, and then (finally) he had to bring his family over to ask my Father for my hand in matrimony.
We were engaged for a year; a year that we didn’t spend together because he was deployed to Italy and I stayed at home in Mexico. Since I was engaged I was not allowed to go out with my friends because my fiancé wasn’t there to go with me. I had to learn everything there was to learn about being a good wife. My husband wanted me to come the States and get married here; it was easier for immigration purposes, but my Dad didn’t allow me to do that. If I wanted to leave my house I had to be married first.
This example shows the way Mexican families are brought up. Mexican people are extremely loyal to their traditions, and even though a young person may not understand the reason why his or her parents act this way, it is a pattern that pretty much everyone in this country follows.
As I mentioned before, when I first moved to this country it was hard for me to understand the concept of dating. To me, there is so much freedom in this matter that it is scary. To see how the “dating” experience in this country starts at very young age is disturbing to me, because, from what I have been able to gather (from different people) is that when someone is "dating," in many cases the couple are having sexual relations.
It seems to me that a woman's virginity is not a must in this country. It seems to me that the people in the States have a huge capacity to "forget and forgive" when it comes to “the past,” and don’t get me wrong-- I am a strong believer that the woman is more than just a hymen-- but I also believe that it is very important not to be loose in this world full of diseases and dangers.
The reality of the matter is that for a lot of people, I am an old-fashioned type of gal, but there is no way I can erase what my parents taught me, nor would I want to. I cannot wipe away the traditions of my culture. Living in the States, there are, of course, many different ways of living, and it's best to respect everyone. But as for me and my family, I will try my best to be loyal to my traditions, to the way I was brought up.
