Being an Arab born and raised somewhere in the Middle East, I am culturally bound to the Eastern philosophy. Such philosophies include the religious, for example, but in this instance, tradition is the issue.
Currently a Canadian citizen, I am finding it very difficult to follow these so called “old traditions.” Love, for example, is very hard to come by. I have dated Canadian women and women with the ‘Western mentality’ and I realized recently that what I really want is someone much like me. An Arab. I know that in order to meet an Arab woman, her family must be friends with my family, or there must be some other tie that allows us two to link. After all, that’s how it was done in the past.
My family suffered one of those “things you see on TV” divorces, so you can’t really call it a family anymore. Also, many of our family friends have distanced themselves as a result of this messy divorce. This kind of leaves me in a tight spot, not to mention the fact that many of my parents’ friends are non-Arab Canadian.
My aunt and uncle have many friends of Middle Eastern origins, but they come from a wealthier lifestyle. Since I don’t, I have often wondered how slim my chances are in meeting anyone through their friends. I have recently given up any hope of falling into that kind of luck, since I sometimes feel like an outsider latching onto my uncle’s family.
Back to the point at hand.
Since I have VERY limited contact with people who share the same cultural values as I do, it makes finding that special someone close to impossible.
Also, because I’m not one for arranged marriages, my alternatives are difficult or non-existent.
My question is this: How can I go about meeting people like me?
I don’t want to fall into the whole bar / club scene. I have come to avoid places like these since I do not drink alcohol and find drunk people annoying. Since I do not smoke cigarettes either, I often look out of place in bars/clubs (I’m not smoking or drinking, so I have very little to do to look busy). In any case, I know that clubs and bars are not places to find love so I’ve stopped going altogether, unless I’m dragged there by obligation on a special occasion (i.e. birthday).
So—- Issue One is that I can’t find any Arab girls.
Issue Two would have to be filed under ‘compatibility.’ Backgrounds notwithstanding,
it’s hard to find someone who’s like me, or similar enough that we could get along, even if she IS a fellow Arab. Furthermore, what if I found a ‘nice Arab girl’ with my kinda background, and it turns out that she’s Westernised beyond belief? I don’t know if I would like that very much.
A friend of mine (a brother by choice) had met an Arab ‘someone’ online last month and she seemed like a very good person. He was always talking to her and they were getting to know one another. He had told her several times that it was very fitting that they shared the same spiritual beliefs and that he saw a lot of potential in their getting to know each other better. She also lived very close by, making things more convenient.
Supposing I fall into a bit of luck and meet ‘someone like me?’ What if she turns out to be more Western than Eastern - a wolf in sheep’s clothing, so to speak. Also, what if it’s too late and I find myself in a position where I am stuck in this relationship (maybe married or, God forbid, with children). One divorce was enough to almost kill me, and it wasn’t even mine.
What started as a trivial ‘game of love’ has begun to more closely resemble a game of cat and mouse. I’m not even sure whether or not I’m the cat anymore.
A female friend of mine tells me that the following tips would help me out in my quest to find a like-minded, culturally compatible potential mate.
1. Get out more! Whether to a religious gathering (like church, mosque, or temple) or a group for fellow gamers, psychiatrists or artists, getting out more increases your chances of seeing someone you like. Or being seen by someone...
2. Network! This ties in to the whole ‘getting out more’ thing. After all, what’s the use of going out if you don’t meet anyone who can help you out? Of course, you don’t need to tell them this, but don’t discount the help of a new friend, either. Married ladies (especially the Eastern ones) love to set people up; they might even have their eye on you as a potential in-law..
3. Drop hints to your friends! This ties in to the whole ‘networking’ thing. After all, how can they help you find someone who’s interested in hiking, or who makes a killer Tabbouleh—if you haven’t told anyone you want someone who does?
At any rate, I think I’m going to go try these out. In the meantime, if anyone knows a nice Arab dame who likes cooking and dancing and wants 3.2 kids, feel free to drop her my phone number.....
